Sweet Stalker Jesus! Donnelly is going to Hell for this post - whee!
So Mr. Grammatarian came across this: http://members.aol.com/JesusImages/Index.htm and sent it to me. Now, I know that many religious people will find the idea behind these drawings very touching and comforting. Some people would find the very idea of mocking drawings of Jesus sacreligious, tacky, in bad taste - luckily, I'm not one of those people!
Trucker:
J-Sizzle, Carjacker!
Bank Teller:
Martha, thinking:"Oh man, it's that Jesus guy. He's going to hit on me again, I just know it. Maybe if I count out this cash over and over again, really slowly, he'll get bored and go chat up Agnes in New Accounts."
Welder:
Jim, exhausted from a long week and glad to be finally finishing up this last weld, certainly isn't expecting that prankster Jesus to suddenly push on his elbow causing that crucial seam to melt into a pile of slag. Oh Jesus, you madcap!
Surgeon:
J-Man: "Of course I don't need to scrub or wear a mask, I'm the fucking Son of God. And, you know, not to make light of your 12 years of schooling, the grueling internship and residency, but you do know I could heal this guy with a wave of my hand, right?"
Guitarist
This one isn't actually Jesus. It's just Bud, the roadie, wearing the singer's bathrobe while the band's onstage.
Student:
J-sizzle: "now my hand on your shoulder is, as you can clearly read in that textbook on Sexual Harrassment Law, is 'OK'. However, when I spank your firm little co-ed ass with *this* hand, it's going to cross the line into Chapter 3!"
Fisherman:
"Look, Jezzybits, if I have to hear about the 45 lb Muskee you created out of nothing and served with loaves one more damned time, I'm ramming this pole up your ass."
Juggler:
Apparently the H in Jesus H. Christ stands for "Heckler." "Wooh, that's right, you throw those bowling pins and catch them! This is the path you've chosen for your life, huh? That's awesome, I'm so glad I FUCKING DIED to give you salvation so you could CATCH SHIT for money! Way to go, thanks for validating my sacrifice!"
Dental Assistant:
"And when I SHOVE your arm like this, his gums bleed and he makes that awesome Wookie noise! I love watching his hands clenching on the arm of the chair. Hehehe...woooh, gets me every time. You don't think that's nice? Fuck it, he's an atheist."
Prayer:
"Dear Lord, please take your son home. At first it was kind of sweet, him following me around and making the puppy dog eyes at me, but, well, showing up at my office and turning my coffee into wine? Yeah, he almost got me fired. I bought nails yesterday, God, please don't make me use them."
I'll stop now. There are more on the page, so feel free to jump on in with your interpretations, or you know, tell me what a bad, bad person I am! Either way, giggles for me!
Trucker:
J-Sizzle, Carjacker!Bank Teller:
Martha, thinking:"Oh man, it's that Jesus guy. He's going to hit on me again, I just know it. Maybe if I count out this cash over and over again, really slowly, he'll get bored and go chat up Agnes in New Accounts."
Welder:
Jim, exhausted from a long week and glad to be finally finishing up this last weld, certainly isn't expecting that prankster Jesus to suddenly push on his elbow causing that crucial seam to melt into a pile of slag. Oh Jesus, you madcap!
Surgeon:
J-Man: "Of course I don't need to scrub or wear a mask, I'm the fucking Son of God. And, you know, not to make light of your 12 years of schooling, the grueling internship and residency, but you do know I could heal this guy with a wave of my hand, right?"
Guitarist
This one isn't actually Jesus. It's just Bud, the roadie, wearing the singer's bathrobe while the band's onstage.
Student:
J-sizzle: "now my hand on your shoulder is, as you can clearly read in that textbook on Sexual Harrassment Law, is 'OK'. However, when I spank your firm little co-ed ass with *this* hand, it's going to cross the line into Chapter 3!"
Fisherman:
"Look, Jezzybits, if I have to hear about the 45 lb Muskee you created out of nothing and served with loaves one more damned time, I'm ramming this pole up your ass."
Juggler:
Apparently the H in Jesus H. Christ stands for "Heckler." "Wooh, that's right, you throw those bowling pins and catch them! This is the path you've chosen for your life, huh? That's awesome, I'm so glad I FUCKING DIED to give you salvation so you could CATCH SHIT for money! Way to go, thanks for validating my sacrifice!"
Dental Assistant:
"And when I SHOVE your arm like this, his gums bleed and he makes that awesome Wookie noise! I love watching his hands clenching on the arm of the chair. Hehehe...woooh, gets me every time. You don't think that's nice? Fuck it, he's an atheist."
Prayer:
"Dear Lord, please take your son home. At first it was kind of sweet, him following me around and making the puppy dog eyes at me, but, well, showing up at my office and turning my coffee into wine? Yeah, he almost got me fired. I bought nails yesterday, God, please don't make me use them."
I'll stop now. There are more on the page, so feel free to jump on in with your interpretations, or you know, tell me what a bad, bad person I am! Either way, giggles for me!
8 Comments:
Is it just me or does the guy in the dentist's chair look eerily like Spider Robinson? Just me, then? Never mind...
Haaaaahahaha! my favorite is the student... now THIS, babe, is sexual harrasment... *snicker-snicker*
gwendolyn Oh man, Stalker Jesus torments Spider Robinson - that's just not right! Maybe the Big J has mixed feelings about the release of the Varialbe Star?
liz - Yeah, that one actually made me think of you, for some reason!
Or even "Variable Star," as I meant to type. Doh!
How funny is that! I'm going to show Ryan, he'll crack up like only a 'fresh out of religion' twelve year old boy can. ;-)
laney I'm so glad you like it - and anything that can give Ryan a good laugh makes me very happy indeed!
Can I be the religious person that chimes in and says that I think these DRAWINGS are sacreligious, tacky, and in bad taste?
[b]Anon[/], thank you! For centuries religious art has provided some truly breathtaking masterpieces. There really isn't any excuse for Jesus being drawn hassling French Horn payers and such. I'm working on installment number 2 for later this week. *grin*
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