Dateline: Daly City

The world is going to pot it seems. Global climate changes, genocide, terrorism, war, zealotry, e. coli, blizzards, Lindsay Lohan! I suspect that the planets are aligned in some unfortunate configuration that is causing upheaval across the Earth. Crises are springing at every level, International, national, local, and even right here in the beige-carpeted domestic haven that is Casa Grammatarian. Yes, our very own civil war rages on, unabated. Battles are won or lost on either side, but no end to the conflict seems forthcoming. On one side stands the United Parenting Front. Their pro-nap, anti-tantrum stance has them at odds with their opponent, the Toddler Demolition Force. The TDF has vowed not to rest until...well, actually just not to rest, period. Toddler scientists have come up with a masterful new technique that renders certain members of their force immune to all forms of sedation, including a great favorite of the UPF, "The Car." The TDF has also called a food strike to protest the creation of Toddler Free Zones around the home electronics and the application of child locks on cabinets filled with Many Interesting Things. Mealtimes have become a source of great tension, particularly for innocent civilian cats who are likely to become accidental victims of cracker shrapnel and yogurt spray.
Aggressions are spilling out of the house and onto the streets of Daly City, where the leader of the Toddler forces, Thomas "the Disco Ninja," in a deliberately provacative act, was seen consuming sand at a local playground. After several attempts at intervention showed the Parents' representative's inability to move swiftly enough to curb the crusty consumption, the agent, one "Mom," gave up her efforts at inhibition and resorted to documenting the event for posterity.



As of yesterday, both sides received reinforcement from allies. Caitlin (alais: Monkey Girl) has joined The Disco Ninja, and a mysterious agent known only as "Grandma" has reportedly signed on to the opposing team, keeping the TDF outnumbered. How will the weekend play out? Though possessing superior numbers, the UPF still faces a determined opponent willing to fight dirty, engage in psychological warfare, and has no moral compuctions about breaking international conventions of warfare for the simple reason that they are too young to have any morals at all. Further updates as events unfold.