Thank you for all the comments and sympathy. I really appreciate knowing that so many people were thinking of us as we've been going through this.

It's been a week and a day now. We had the D&C on Friday, so I've been not pregnant for 6 days. I hate it. I sort of hate everything right now. I'm not angry in any focused way, like angry at the world for my baby being dead and gone, instead I'm just generally angry. I want to hit something, start a bar fight, pull some jackass out of his car on the freeway and slam his head in the door. All this rage is built up and I have nothing to do with it. The only things that don't make me angry are my son, my husband, and my mother. And Mom has to leave today and go back home. It's going to suck without her. Thomas is very attached to his "Gamma!" and he's going to be distraught when she goes, as will I. She's been such a help and such a source of strength. Rob went back to work today, and while I am so thankful that he was able to take this time off, I miss him terribly. Tomorrow is going to be rough with just Thomas and me knocking around the house. I may take him to the zoo or something just to get out and keep my mind off of things. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I'm afraid it will be. I know I have plenty of friends I could call to distract myself or talk or whatever, but I can't seem to bear the phone right now. I can't even talk to my sister (who's going through her own mess right now). I want to call people; I pick up the phone intending to call people, but then I just can't do it. I have so many voice mail messages just sitting there waiting for me to address them and I just can't do it. I don't have the energy. I can make it through the day and play with Thomas, cook and eat, function and keep from falling apart, and that's it. I don't have anything left at the end of each day, and yet I can't rest, either. I lay awake frantically thinking about anything else, reading or doing stupid crossword puzzles, exhausted but wide awake. I'm so tired.

Frankly, I'm a mess and I'm sick of it. My own inability to concentrate is as infuriating as everything else. I'm tired of getting in the car to drive to a particular store and find myself heading for the freeway or downtown instead of where I needed to go, tired of forgetting the thing I was on my way to pick up, tired of being in the middle of doing some task around the house and suddenly realizing that I have no clue what I was up to just seconds ago.